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the circular nature of things

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I know you've seen this all over my website, but I am in love with this piece and this photo. This weaving is part of a new series based on the circular nature of life. 

Often times, my life feels quite circular- revisiting places or things or people. A returning from an exile of sorts. Trevor Hall plays a song that says "sometimes I don't feel at home, like exodus in my own soul, and I want to return..." that song has reverberated through my life for the past few years and now I feel the weight shift. Return always looks differently than we think it will. This piece was woven in contemplation of this- from my childhood friend becoming my boyfriend to returning to the place I left years ago when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Life is like a circle that is really a series of straight lines. Do you feel this way?

In tapestry weaving, circles are more like illusions. Straight lines create the visual of curved lines and I am enchanted. Keep an eye out for more tapestries as they emerge on here and on my instagram. Grace and Peace my friends.

I'm pretty excited about life right now. 


 

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Weaving Away

First of, for those of you who don't know, I love to make things. I have always been that person who knits and weaves and paints. Making things with my hands is a comforting, almost meditative, thing for me. I love it. I've decided to share more of those pursuits here, on my blog. 

Today I finished up a custom order for a sweet, sweet college friend. She recently got married (woohoooo) and contacted me about making two pieces for their new home. I love custom orders and am always honored to work with a customer to create a piece specific to their home. The project flowed over the Thanksgiving week and finally wrapped up today. 

The first stage in the process is always creating concept sketches. 

After that, we discuss colors and I hunt down the best material for the project. I hoard supplies and am always looking for vintage fiber to incorporate into new pieces. From there I start weaving. It always sounds and looks easier than it is. I think I took one piece apart five times before I was happy with the result. 

Overall, this was a really fun project and I look forward to seeing how they are used in her home. Creating is often a very healing process. I weave a little bit of myself into each project (even if its tears over the fourth time I deconstruct a section). Art takes something out of you. Yet, it is also a gift we give to others.  What ways do you incorporate creativity into your life?

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Choose Love

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So many of you beautiful people didn't see these election results coming. You're angry. You're hurt. You're confused. Some of you are elated. That's okay. We can only choose how we walk forward from here. Do we rejoice at the expense of others? Do we react out of our hurt and rage and throw the very same stones we are angry at him for throwing? Or do we choose to embrace love?

 

Today is my birthday, it's also the day the Berlin Wall was opened 27 years ago. Today, I choose to live my life as an expression of divine love. Regardless of your political standing, the people have spoken and that is the beauty of democracy. That's what we celebrate as Americans correct? Now, my friends on all sides, we must choose love.

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Cultivating Home

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Cultivating Home

Home is where we find our deepest belonging
— John O'Donohue

That’s the quote that has echoed in my mind for months now. I have struggled since college to discover that place. I craved the ability to nest and really begin to unpack all the things that were within me. We all want that right? We all crave that space where we feel completely ourselves. We all crave home.

When I first moved into my cozy little apartment, I was really overwhelmed. I hadn’t ever had a space that was a complete blank canvas for my choosing. Nor had I ever been so broke. In the months that I have lived here, art has started to fill the walls, plants have found their way into corners, throw blankets are bountiful and as cozy as possible. I have begun to understand a few key things about a home.

Home should always mean rest.  I work with the general public, which means I am usually ready to give up on the world by the time my 8 hour day ends. I want to come home and curl up and make things or read things or watch things. Hence the throw blankets and plethora of coffee mugs.

Your home is a reflection of your inner life.  Home, for me, is my sanctuary. The walls are filled with my creations. My books are usually scattered about. I like to keep things tidy- everything except my desk. I have been on a journey to find peace and wholeness. The candles, books, verses, and quotes all around my home attest to that. If I start letting things get out of hand, you know, laundry piling up and things, it is usually a reflection of apathy in my spirit. There is a direct correlation between how tidy my house is and the chaos in my mind.

There can be beauty in creative chaos. 

There can be beauty in creative chaos. 

 

Home should always be welcoming. I love having people come into my apartment. I grew up in a house with a revolving door. I love having guests and the more my space starts to feel like home the more I want to share that with friends.

 

Home is a state of mind. Once we leave behind the longing for fulfillment in places, people, or jobs we begin to settle into our belonging. The late Irish poet, John O’ Donohue, reminds us that we must hold our longing and belonging evenly. They are both always present in us. It is when we realize that both are always present and seek to hold them equally that we enter into our becoming. I think that the balance he’s talking about like home. When we decide to be present and engage with the space and people around us instead of moping around because its not where we want to be, we can actually begin to grow as a person. Home lets us do that.

 

What ways do you seek to cultivate your home? What are the things that you want your space to reflect? I want to hear what you have to say. Comment below and let’s start a conversation on the nature of home. I look forward to hearing from you. 

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Rivers

Though I've scrubbed at many rivers

they will not leave me.

This dirt clings so heavily-

tattooing me with shame

 

The waters won't wash them away

I cry out in my despair

And doubt

That I could ever be clean again

I've scrubbed and scrubbed

My fingers are raw

My hands are numb

As my knees fall weak

My face submerged

In rivers of sorrow

 

I hear a bird

Echo songs softly

The melody pricks

Memory

Haunting

From ages unheld

My eyes befell

Eternity

Beats

Hearts

Race

Cease

I feel tension leave

And peace wash over me

As these waters lap around

This renewed

No longer soiled gown

 

My hands glide on the surface

Of mercy like an ocean

And I remember

That grace feels like drowning

Before learning to swim

And repentance

Carries heaviness

Before it comes within

 

I've bathed in many rivers

Trying to find a god

Who would answer for my stains

Wounds given by supposed saints

I was looking for an answer

To the hideousness

I saw

Among holy robed people

Claiming they knew God.

 

I found a faith so fluid

It moves about me

It takes more strength

To believe

Than ever told to me

Each day I choose

Which song to listen to

In Which water to baptize my sins

Cross over the river

Find where it meets the sea

And you will know

Where I found waters

To heal all my uncertainty. 

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Life Update: Month 1

Looking back on my first month in Rapid City, I am pretty content. Far more things have fallen into place than I ever imagined. I have met so many new and wonderful people and visited many old friends. I have hiked insanely steep trails and rested my feet in mountain rivers. I have made great coffee and read a few good books. I have almost adopted a dog and ridden a few horses. It has been a crazy month of nesting and coming into myself, discovering new depths and insights. Here is my month in a few pictures. Cheers to a new home and a fresh start. 

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Travel || Blackbird Espresso

This past Saturday I found a lovely surprise in Spearfish, SD. As you might've noticed I'm a coffee snob and am currently in the process of going to every coffee shop I can find within reasonable driving distance. Blackbird Espresso is located on the edge of historic downtown Spearfish (at least I assume its historic). The shiny metal building with natural wood pergola caught my eye as I was driving by. After weaving my way around a couple one-way blocks and victoriously claiming one of the few parking spots, I was a pretty happy camper.  

The white subway tile, vintage marque signs, and the impressive selection of gluten free options left me with a stellar initial impression. The barista working the bar was overwhelmed with a sudden rush,  yet took the time to be fully present as I asked questions about their chai. I settled on a dirty ginger chai and an almond joy donut- which I eagerly consumed while waiting. The eccentric decor and monotone color scheme felt more like ALT or DC than Spearfish.  They also have an excellent selection of tea and Coda coffee.  Oh yeah, here's a picture of that insane donut...

Let me guess, you're drooling right now? Yeah, me too. So next time you find yourself in Spearfish, South Dakota or any surrounding area, this place deserves a visit. Cheers friends!

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Life Update

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Life Update

Every good story has at least one moment of return- a point of redemption. I think I might be living one of mine. When I was 17, my mom was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. We moved across the country three days after diagnosis for treatment. Initially the doctors said it would only take three months and then we could go back home- to South Dakota. Three months turned into three years, then college happened, and a couple more years started adding up. I went through various phases of grief and denial. It was only in recent years that I began genuinely striving to be fully present in the communities I found myself in. Truthfully, there was always part of me that desired the return. Now I am living it in all its frustrations, fears, joys, and excitement.

Three weeks ago I was offered a job in the Black Hills of South Dakota. I had been actively looking for jobs for a few months and this one was ordained. In three weeks I have packed my belongings, said goodbyes, and moved. My first week in the Hills is under my belt and I am looking forward to discovering what it means to make a home on my own. I look forward to discovering community. I am learning a new definition for longing and loneliness simultaneous with my excitement. 

 In this new phase of life, I am gaining even more appreciation for small acts of kindness, glimpses of the divine in mundane acts, and the grandeur of nature. I am discovering the importance of choosing peace both consciously and subconsciously in each moment. I can't wait to share these times with you. 

Each day that is given to you is full of the shy graciousness of divine tenderness.... Each day is a secret story woven around a radiant heart of wonder. We let our days fall away like empty shells and miss all the treasure.
— John O'Donohue

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Book of the Month: Becoming Wise

"Words are crafted by human beings, wielded by human beings. They take on all of our flaws and frailties. They diminish or embolden the truths they arose to carry. We drop and break them sometimes. We renew them, again and again."

In her latest book, Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living, Krista Tippett speaks directly to the soul. I have been a fan of Krista for years as an avid listener of On Being. I ordered this book about a month ago and have only made it to the third chapter. Much like my prolonged reading of Heschel or Rumi, Becoming Wise, requires faithfulness to wonder. I do not believe in rushing through books. The courage and audacity of authors amaze me, especially those writing vulnerably about what they have discovered as spiritual truths. The reading of such books asks for a contemplative approach and I have been lavishing that upon this one. 

Therefore, you should read this book- even if it is just a page or two a night. Our journey into wonder can start anywhere, mine started with bareback gallops and Heschel. Yours can start with anything, I think it could start here. When I finish Becoming Wise, I will tell you more about what I have gleaned... but for now I need to meditate on how to integrate these stories and let her words move me. 

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You Are Enough.

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You Are Enough.

 

 

Hi! My name is Addie May. I am a 12 year old 6th grade homeschooler and I met Cody at church.  I am totally honored to guest post on her awesome blog today.

Here we go!

In today’s world, sometimes we feel forced to hide the real us. We see models on the cover of magazines that look “perfect” (or what the world’s definition of perfect is) and we tend to compare our looks, our hair, our bodies, etc. to that “photo shopped” example. I’m here to tell you something wonderful. We were created by God and He makes NO mistakes. Yep, even YOU. That means we are perfect just as we are.

God made us in His image.

There are days that we feel down, and that’s ok.  I encourage you to sit down and talk to God about the things going on in your life. The great things and the not so great things. Pour your heart out to Him. He wants you to confide in Him just like you would your friend because He is your friend…Your Heavenly Father. Whether it’s about school, work, friend or family issues…anything. Lay it all down at the feet of Jesus. His peace will cover you. Trust me it really does help, I struggle with an anxiety disorder and whenever I feel anxious about something, I talk to God. He meets me right where I am and I feel His presence wash over me immediately.

In Psalm 139:14 it says:

“I praise you because I am FEARFULLY and

WONDERFULLY made, your works are wonderful.”

(NIV)

And Proverbs 31:10 says:

“An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.”

(ESV)

I encourage you to write those verses down and put them on your bathroom mirror, your steering wheel, etc. Put it in a place where you will see it often and be reminded of how beautiful you really are. And that God loves you more than you can ever imagine.

Don’t let anyone or anything make you feel like you’re not beautiful, like you’re unworthy or unwanted. Because God says you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are wanted, and you are much, much more!

Just keep your mind, heart and soul open to hear God’s voice. Don’t measure your worth by how many likes your picture receives or how many followers you have….don’t listen to the lies the enemy may whisper in your ear. Measure your worth in The Lord. You are enough, and you always will be.

God sent His only son to earth for you and me.  He walked on the same ground we walk on knowing He would one day die a horrible death for us…bearing our sin and shame. Willingly, He took it all so that we could live and have eternal life with Him in Heaven. Soon. He loves you and pursues you and sees YOU perfectly-lovely. His grace and love are poured out daily for all of us because of the great love He has for us.  If you don’t know Him, I encourage you to talk to someone TODAY. Your pastor, a friend, parent…I would love to pray with you. I am praying FOR you to have a personal relationship with Him. If you already know Jesus…share the love. Let’s be a reflection of His love and beauty.

YOU. ARE. ENOUGH

I think it’s about time I say goodbye… Have a blessed day, friends!!

Blessings,

Addie May

 

And it would mean so much to me if you checked out my new blog (I just started one!).

(Click below)

www.addierae.wix.com/godzgirl

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Top picks for my favorite kicks

 

The only thing that has kept me from trying a capsule wardrobe has been my shoes. I love shoes and limiting them feels like limiting happiness. That said, I've been working on narrowing down essentials lately, and have arrived at a few pairs of shoes I think everyone needs. These shoes transcend seasons and their practicality is beautiful. Here we go:

About this time last year I invested in a pair of Lucky Brand Basil boots. At the time I was a manager at a coffee house and was on my feet for hours. I wanted something classy and comfortable. I was not disappointed. This is not an ad and I'm not making money saying this. For all the people who have asked me about these booties, yes- they are worth it. You need a pair. They can be worn with everything, from sundresses to sweaters. These naturally distressed beautifully. 

 

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Everyone needs a good pair of moccasins. I have two pairs, one seen in the header (El Paso) of this page and another pictured below ( Moose driving moccs). Both are from Minnetonka and both are very comfortable. I quickly discovered the most amazing thing... the moose hide is coffee stain resistant. What a glorious realization.   

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And then there are rainy days. L.L. Bean boots are my go too. They are comfortable and extremely waterproof. They also go with any style. I have the 10" hunting boots. Pictured below is my sister in her 8" classic boots.  

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Don't forget about the sneakers! I love my vintage Nikes and have my eyes on New Balance for Madewell. Don't be afraid of bold colors! Most of my wardrobe is color neutral so a pair of blue suede sneaks adds a pop to my usual skinnies and gray tees. 

 

Lastly, everyone needs classy heels- no explanation needed. Well, there you go! My favorite, daily shoe choices for 2016. Go be classy friends! 

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Living with Wonder

The following post was featured on Orange and Gray last week! Elisa currently has a lovely series on happiness going down. 

A few years ago, I came across a quote that would change the way I approach life. “Indifference to the sublime wonder of living is the root of all sin.” It was written by a rabbi that barely escaped the Holocaust, Abraham Joshua Heschel. This quote was the beginning of my obsession with wonder.

That’s right, I’m obsessed with wonder. Wonder is defined as “a feeling of surprise mingled with admiration, caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar, or inexplicable.” In other words, it’s the attitude of complete surprise you see on a child’s face the first time they learn about caterpillars and butterflies. You need it in your life. Trust me.

You might be thinking, this sounds good but seriously, how am I supposed to create this in my life? You don’t create wonder. You enter into it. Here are four things you can do to increase wonder and help you live in the moment. Test them. Let me know how they work for you.

  1. Slow Down– Instead of rushing around from task to task, take the time to observe the world around you. Listen to the sounds, notice the way light filters through leaves, take note of architecture and nature.
  2. Do Only Thing at a Time– That’s right only one. Multitasking is a myth. Scientists have discovered that your brain can only focus on one thing at a time and attempts to “multitask” are only switching quickly between ideas which reduces focus and productivity.
  3. Journal– You do you. If this means journaling daily, go for it. If it means instagraming your moments of wonder, do it. If it means keeping a note file on your phone of every interesting moment (which I do) you should absolutely do it. Journaling teaches you to become aware; and awareness is the remedy to anxiety, boredom, and just about everything. It’s the duct tape of the mental world.
  4. Savor- Did you know that negative thoughts stick in your brain like Velcro? Did you know that scientists now say you have to savor each happy thought for roughly 10 seconds for it to embed itself as deeply as a negative thought? THIS IS HUGE. This explains why it is so easy to be caught up in the things Negative Nancy said last year. Yet, we have to really focus to remember the good thing you heard, or the way your child says certain words, or the way the light fell the last time you had coffee with your love. (Side note: if you are in a long distance relationship this is key!)

Test this! The next time you spend the morning drinking coffee or tea, become aware of every detail. Focus on one thing at a time. Write it down. Savor it. You will find that it embeds itself on your memory and it is so much easier to find yourself focusing on happy moments instead of negative ones. Welcome to your glorious life. Wonder has taught me that even the most depressing of days can be full of shimmering light and small acts of kindness. 

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Daily Dose of Goodness. 1.

 "The trembling sense for the hereness of God is the assumption of our being accountable to Him. God awareness is not an act of God being known to man; it is the awareness of man's being known by God. In thinking about Him we are thought by Him." -Abraham Joshua Heschel  

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Anxiety- The Helpful Things

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Anxiety- The Helpful Things

A post or so ago, I introduced you to my struggle with anxiety. It was an overwhelming step. Why? Because now I have to write about it.  I can't brush it off. So, today, I want to talk about the helpful things. These four things have helped me greatly. I hope they help you.  

Talk. Tell someone you can trust about your anxiety. Talk about it. Go get a counselor. This is the most important step. Once I started mentioning anxiety, I discovered so many women around me struggling with it also. You are not alone. The first step for me was talking to my mom. She's a wealth of wisdom and has walked through hell and back. Then I started mentioning it to other people in my life and found that I wasn't alone and that was freeing. Free yourself. Talk about it. 

 

Be Present. This phrase is one of my mantra's. I'm an introvert and a thinker. My mind can roam like Lewis and Clark on a slow day. It's ceaseless in its moving. When I started becoming curious about my anxiety, I realized that attacks where directly related to what was happening mentally. I could feel completely relaxed, listening to music, or reading and it would hit me. I discovered that the majority of the time I wasn't present. I thought my mind was focused on Birdy but I was really thinking about grad school under the surface. I wasn't aware of the depth of my thoughts. I only noticed the surface. So I started practicing all I had read about mindfulness and meditation. I will dig into this deeper in another post (if you'd like to learn before then check out this podcast and this book).

Work it. That's right. Run. Do yoga. Work out. Physical exercise has been key to me. I've always been an active person. I can't sit inside for too long or I start to get antsy. I hate running. I'm not good at it. But, I love the way it frees my mind and releases energy. My favorite workouts are core and legs (I've been collecting them on Pinterest here).There is a direct correlation in my life between anxiety and a lack of physical activity. If you cannot workout for health reasons, walk and stretch. Just don't sit on that couch. 

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Become a foodie. Eat healthy. My mom is a cancer survivor and my family has grown into quite the group of food nuts. I love health food. In college I craved it. Ask my friends, my house wasn't the place to come if you didn't like hummus or kale. Granted, I have an equal love for sweets but moderation is key. Start eating good food. It has to taste good! One of my good friends said he thought eating was like mediation for me. It is. When I eat good food I am present. I am content. Nothing else matters.  

As I said before, these things take time. It's not going to be an overnight change. It's taken me months. I constantly have to remind myself to be present. I find great comfort in knowing that by starting this life now, at 26, I'm giving myself tools to get through whatever life throws at me in the future. Anxiety has forced me to discover myself and press into the dark areas of my being that I wanted to disown. It can truly be a gift. It doesn't feel like it. But it reminds me that I'm alive. A few weeks ago I read "How To Be Here" and in it, Bell says that butterflies are good. They tell us that we are taking risks, moving, and actually attempting something with life. Now when I feel anxiety creeping in, I thank it for reminding me that I'm alive and feeling. It's empowering.  

 

As always, I love to hear from you. You are a large part of why I write.  Please comment below or contact me via social media. 

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Guest Post- 6 Steps to A Simple Home

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Guest Post- 6 Steps to A Simple Home

         “Stuff” is starting to own people. It traps us, holds us back, weighs on our hearts. “Stuff” fills our oceans, our woods. It piles up on the side of the road or in your backyard. It creates strife in the home, breaks apart marriages and makes people do things they wish they didn't.

            People keep “stuff” for practical reasons, Maybe I'll use that lamp again sometime! They keep stuff for sentimental reasons, I bought this right after I found out I was pregnant! And even financial reasons, Do you know how much this cost me? And you want me to throw it away?

            I own a small cleaning and organizing business, so, believe me, I've heard all these reasons and more. I've talked with hoarders of beauty products, craft supplies, kitchen utensils and children's toys – you name it! People keep it.

            That said, decluttering can obviously be tough! So I've come up with a few questions to ask yourself to maybe make the decluttering process a little easier:

 

1. Is it trash? This is the number one question for me. If I went through your messiest closet or drawer and got rid of just the trash, I guarantee we would have taken care of about 25% of the mess. Pretty painless, right? See, this isn't scary! This is what I consider trash: things that are broken (crayons, tools, dishes, clothes), papers you don't need anymore (That one picture you daughter drew that's seriously just a blue squiggle on a page? Probably trash. Old mail? “To do” list from last week? Trash.) and basically anything super gross, dirty, used or messed up that no one actually wants (you'll know it when you see it).


2. Is it a duplicate? This is an easy fix! Two can openers? One goes in the thrift store bin. Two copies of the same book? Thrift store. Easy and painless!

3. Do you want it? This is my favorite. It doesn't work with everyone, but it's so basic and really clears the space (and your mind!). So just ask yourself, “Do I actually want this?” If the answer is no, send it guilt free to your nearest thrift store for someone who actually does want it.

Ok, that was the easy part. Already feels better, right? If you just did the first three steps, I'd still be really proud of you. It takes time, and you nailed it. If you like how you feel, let's go a little farther...

4. Do you need it? I know this is hard, but you really don't need 15 baseball caps. Could you narrow it down to five? Or your favorite two? You don't need a Kitchen Aid stand mixer and a hand help mixer. You don't need a linen closet full of sheets. Do you own a Bed and Breakfast? Ok, then I'll let this one slide. But for the rest of us, you should max out at two pairs of sheets (fitted, flat, 2-4 pillowcases) for each bed. And I say max. Do you see where this is going? Another question along these lines is, “Have I used it in the last year?” If the answer is “No...” then you really don't need it and should probably send it to Goodwill.

5. Get rid of “uni-taskers.” Alton Brown, from the Food Network, coined the term “uni-taskers” in reference to tools in the kitchen that are only used for one purpose. For example, a pan that only cooks omelets or a fork only used for getting pickles out of a jar. Instead of piling up a bunch of uni-taskers, keep the basic tools and use those for everything. Cook an omelet in a saute pan. Use a regular fork to get a pickle out of the jar. Uni-taskers can be found outside of the kitchen as well. We may find a quilt stand in your living room corner when that beautiful quilt could be displayed on the back of a completely usable chair. We may find a belt in your closet that only works with a certain pair of pants or vice versa – let's send them on their way and choose belts and pants that are a little more usable and versatile. If you're unsure about an item, consult question number 4. A sure sign of a “uni-tasker” is that you really don't need it.

6. Go the extra mile. Accomplished all the above steps but still want more? Create a capsule wardrobe for yourself (you can read about that on my personal blog). Challenge yourself to keep only 1-3 pieces of furniture per room. Get to the point where you no longer need “storage options” because you no longer have enough stuff to deem it necessary. Minimize your cell phone, your email account, your computer files. Minimize your spending. Delve into the world of “zero waste” and minimize your trash every week. Trust me, if you continue to simplify your life you will not regret it!


A couple last things to remember...

            - It's just stuff.

            - Eliminate instead of organize.

            - If it doesn't add to your life, it doesn't belong in your life.

If you need help – email me! I will 100% support you and help you along the way. I promise you won't regret getting rid of the “stuff” that entangles you. And when you're done you'll sit in your clean, simple home and feel free.

If you enjoyed Elisa's guest post go show her some love. Her personal blog is orangeandgray.com and her insta is @mrselisacobb. She is a dear friend and has such a sweet spirit and deep heart. 

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Anxiety- an introduction to our relationship.

I've always been a strong person- bull headed, opinionated, logical, and unemotional. Or so I thought. I'm a bit of a workaholic and haven't held less than two jobs since I was 17. As many of you know, on January 1st I quit my main job. I decided to take a leap and attempt to make money creatively. I won't say I've failed. I will say I've struggled. The biggest struggle was internal. I left a job that payed well but killed my creativity. Ideas weren't cherished.  I had no idea how much people's negative opinions of me affected me until I had the flu for three weeks and was forced to sit still for hours. For the first time in my life I started having anxiety attacks. I started questioning my abilities on so many levels as a direct result of the voices I let into my life. It was as if I had a record on repeat of all the critical words spoken over me for the past few years. I had buried them away. Now they came to haunt me.

 

 

Anxiety is a taboo topic in most of my circles. Christians are especially silent on the issue. Jesus gave us joy so don't be depressed. You're going to heaven; why are you anxious? The shame that surrounds anxiety within the church is insane. People look at me and expect me to have life together. I read Kierkegaard, listen to UP, drink ethically sourced coffee, and have led countless groups. I'm supposed to have life figured out and diagramed in my journaling Bible. It's a load of crap. I'm calling the church's bluff.

 

The majority of my anxiety is about anxiety. Anyone with me? You start to feel that knot in your stomach creeping up to your chest and you instantly feel shame because once again you can't control it. It's a miserable way to live and you feel so helpless. The truth is anxiety is an emotion it's not a choice. You shouldn't feel helpless. You can take steps to heal those emotions but it takes time- just like healing a broken heart. 

 

I've contemplated writing this multiple times and each time anxiety hits with full force. Why? The most important question to ask your anxiety is "why?" Cultivate a spirit of curiosity  toward your emotions. It erases fear. Push into why your body is reacting to that thought or person. Discover yourself. Why does writing this create anxiety within me? Because I know some of you will judge me. You will think less of me. You won't see this as a gift of vulnerability. I used to be you. I used to view anxiety as a weakness. Now I know that is a sign that your alive. You're moving. You're taking risks. It's okay.

 

Over the next few weeks I will be sharing my journey through anxiety with you. I will talk about the helpful things (meditation, exercise, healthy food, etc.) and the not so healthy things (negative people, crime shows, etc.). This year has been one of showing myself grace. Please, show yourself grace. You deserve it. 

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      Our society shouts at us. It pushes us into extroversion- constantly stimulated we never find peace. We are told to press on- to keep running toward whatever goal we have. We may stumble but we can never admit it. Just keep moving. Maybe this is why our world is filled with walking corpses- people who are too numb to feel.  Stop listening to them. Stay down when you fall, even if it's just for a moment. Look around you at the beauty on the floor. You fell because you tried and there's beauty in the trampling. Observe the good there. Overthrow shame. Overcome the critics. Remember, even flowers fall and that doesn't make their bloom less miraculous.     If you'd like daily doses of honesty follow me on Instagram  here :   I would love to hear from you guys. Comment on posts! Send me a message via the Contact page!  

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Our society shouts at us. It pushes us into extroversion- constantly stimulated we never find peace. We are told to press on- to keep running toward whatever goal we have. We may stumble but we can never admit it. Just keep moving. Maybe this is why our world is filled with walking corpses- people who are too numb to feel.

Stop listening to them. Stay down when you fall, even if it's just for a moment. Look around you at the beauty on the floor. You fell because you tried and there's beauty in the trampling. Observe the good there. Overthrow shame. Overcome the critics. Remember, even flowers fall and that doesn't make their bloom less miraculous.

 

If you'd like daily doses of honesty follow me on Instagram here

I would love to hear from you guys. Comment on posts! Send me a message via the Contact page!  

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Gardens and Wonder

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Gardens and Wonder

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 "The meaning of awe is to realize that life takes place under wide horizons, horizons that range beyond the span of an individual life or even the life of a nation, a generation, or an era. Awe enables us to perceive in the world imitations of the divine, to sense in small things the beginning of infinite significance, to sense the ultimate in the common and the simple; to feel in the rush of the passing stillness of the eternal." -Abraham Joshua Heschel

 

I stood among the well trimmed hedges, gazing at the ivy graced brick walls, tulips, and flowers. The archways beckoned me into the symmetry. The sea breeze floated around me as I exited the garden to find a vine covered pathway. Massive magnolia trees covered me as I faced the inlet. The breeze fought with my hat, begging to play in my hair. I closed my eyes and chose to feel. On this very place royal governors and early Presidents stood- backs to the palace, eyes turned to the sea.

 

In the world around us an invitation is perpetually present. It knows neither time nor space. If you choose to listen you may feel it in the wind or hear it rustle among the trees. It is the constant offer of amazement. All around us the eternal asks to romance us. Far too often, I forget it's faithfulness in light of more brash offers from fear or worry. Yet, regardless of how often I forsake him, wonder remains faithful.

 

Today, I was reminded of the value in mindfulness. Today, I felt the salty air blow through flowering trees and decided to honor the divine here. All around us heaven is kissing earth and we must only have eyes to see and ears to hear to unveil nature's deepest mystery. Dear friend, do not be so caught up in worry or time. Embrace the moments you are given and dare to feel them fully-the calm and the rage.

 

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